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the art of the universal heart

February 5, 2009
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This week I have been working on feeling at home in my new role as a mother with a small child. (I know, it’s been over  a year since he was born, but I’m slow) I’ve made lists in the morning of what I want to accomplish, and at the end of the day evaluate the day, focusing on the positive. I find that the lists help me do something and they help me see that something is happening.

I am really working on being in each moment with the people in my life and seeing it all as a journey. My mothers’ group of amazing women has been a great help. For the first time in my life, the ‘journey’ part is really making sense to me. I can actually enjoy a craft project now without wanting it to be finished. I can enjoy walking alone with the baby downtown in the stroller, knowing that I will not always be able to walk with him in a stroller, and I can right now! The moments to enjoy are infinite and changeable. I am learning to let go of what I am planning in my head and just go with the flow. I can look at my list at the end of the day and think ‘that’s great, I did most of those things’ or even, ‘well, maybe I’ll get to those things tomorrow’. OK, so I can’t do this all the time, but at least I know what I’m going for and I sometimes get there.

This is a difficult process and one which I surrender to the grace of the universe at all times. It is not an intellectual process that I can just DO. It is a heart process, the center of which is the universal heart. I will not be able to do it all the time and it is OK. If I can just do my best and try to enjoy each moment, try to be nice to my husband, try to enjoy baby Lukas at every moment, even when he is twisting and turning and resisting a diaper change or a carseat, then I have accomplished the one thing on my list that really matters.

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