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March 4, 2009
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I think the days of the carrier are limited...

I think the days of the carrier are limited...

The other night we were dinner partying again with our friends who have a little one the same age. Lukas put his hands on their hot oven and then realized something was up and took his little hands off and looked at me with a total look of indignation before crying from the hot burn. I scooped him up and ice pack was applied and we went outside, where he promptly forgot about “feeling the heat” for the first time. (his hands looked fine too) Later, after refusing to eat very much, when normally he eats anything we give him, and being very fussy and climbing and talking, and crawling and twisting and turning, he threw up all over their living room rug. We were afraid he had the flu but when we arrived home he seemed fine. He slept great and woke up totally happy. With this incident came a crisis of confidence.


Maybe it was the barf, maybe it was the burn, maybe it was holding their little girl, who seems so quiet and relaxed compared to our guy who doesn’t even walk yet, but manages to get into everything and climb his way to where he wants and use adults as vehicles to transport him where he wants to go, which is mainly outside, even if it is pouring rain. I thought, “I do not know if I can do this next stage, this toddler stage where they march anywhere they please and cry indignantly with a rectangle mouth if they can’t have an electrical cord or a porcelain dish or sit in a container of water outside in the rain.” Seriously. How was I going to do this? 

Luckily, Scott listened to my worries that night and Lukas slept long enough for us to talk fully about them. It felt like walking in slow motion, time going slowly but not exactly feeling like the days are long, rather the days go fast, but seem like quiet slow motion movies. The other day, I walked a couple of blocks and I felt like I had been walking a really long time.

I remembered feeling this way when Lukas was born too, and I became used to babyhood. So now that I am used to a baby, I don’t have a baby anymore. I suppose every year or two this will happen for the rest of our lives. I am really going to have to learn to go with the flow somehow. Let’s hope, for everyone’s sake, that I can.

So gone are the days of long stroller rides, multiple naps, easy diaper changes 8 times a day and a person you can set down and come back to in the same spot. Now we change diapers less, but it is next to impossible; we slide down watery, dirty slides getting our butts sopping wet; we walk around in the rain every morning; climb on rocks; touch leaves; bump heads; touch hot ovens; eat pieces of cheese and broccoli; scrape through sand; climb all the stairs in the neighborhood; I keep an eagle eye out as he scrambles up dressers and chairs and then tries to go down face first; and at the end of the day, he gets to crawl around naked.

I had no idea this is how I would be spending my life—even though I technically know it is short lived—I am not sure what I expected, and oddly enough, the more crazy he gets and the more difficult everything feels, the more I absolutely love this sweet little guy of mine. I can’t explain it, but I now live in the land of the unexplainable and it’s kind-of cool here.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 4, 2009 9:50 pm

    This is an awesome post. It’s so nice to hear a mom wrestle with the hard stuff and come back around to love. Sometimes all it takes to set our mind right again is a little wrestling match like this and to call it out that yes in fact we actually are into another phase of life as a mom. Your positive spirit and teachable heart will get you far. Praying that this adjustment happens smoothly and that you find new and exciting ways to enjoy his little energetic life. I think you’re doing a great job. There is no way to know what it will be like until you’re trudging through the trenches. I’m convinced my character would be so shallow if it weren’t for me being a mom. You’re changing and growing along with him, and that is beautiful.

  2. karenhess permalink
    March 5, 2009 12:06 am

    Thank you Mandy for the vote of support! You would know, having FOUR! This was a hard post to write, it took me a few days to even begin to write about these feelings that started on Sunday. Sometimes it is the writing itself that brings me back around to love.

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