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past present future

May 2, 2009
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Today was a hard day. I will not deny it. It was one of those days where you wonder if you are going to survive and it’s only 10am. However, I think I figured out one of the secrets to helping with a day like this. Expect nothing except that you will be interrupted no matter what you are doing. Seriously, once I decided on this the day went much more smoothly.

I am one of those quiet types who likes to work on projects with focus. Even laundry, I like to take it out of the dryer and fold it and put it away. Well, just forget about it. The interesting thing is, it DOES actually end up being folded and put away on a day like this, but it might take hours, and I have to realize that I HAVE HOURS. In fact, sometimes it seems like WAY too many hours.

It is hard for me to not be able to finish anything right way. Even as a kid, I mastered things quickly so I could GET THEM DONE and not just get them done, but done well. This is another problem for me with a one year old hanging around here. Things are not perfect. Things are not done, things are not done well. There is no time to think, to process or to mull things over. I am slowly realizing that my old life, one of designing websites, writing magazine articles and slowly sipping cups of coffee at cafes and gazing into space is totally OVER. To be replaced by a life of wiping pee off the floor, squash soup off my sweater (and not even caring about the part on my skirt), running after the kid trying to put pants on him and wrestling him into a car seat. The only thing that gets me through that car seat part is the thought that I have always been able to get him in before so eventually he will have to end up in there.

All that said, I just found a little list of the daily schedule that I posted in the kitchen a few months back. It was totally different than the one we have now. Which makes me feel a little better, knowing that things keep changing and what is hard now will become some other (possibly harder!) thing later. But it makes me appreciate that this is NOW and these moments are actually quite precious and even fleeting, if I can focus on them and not be trying to relive my past coffee sipping days, that is.

Today he insisted on going outside, even though it was pouring rain, I’d managed to distract him for most of the day but finally at about 4:30 or 5, He began pointing and yelling “Ba!” which means “take me outside this instant!” and there was nothing that would distract him. SO, we put on raincoats and stroller covers and walked downtown. The judgmental Mexican lady who lives on the corner was disapproving of our wet walk but we strode on. (that is another thing that I have a hard time with, people’s judgments, amazing how so many people have something to say when you have a kid) Downtown at Jungle Vibes, I picked up a little flute, well a recorder actually, for Lukas to play since he was using this plastic straw as a flute a few days ago. When we arrived home and I gave him the flute he was totally excited. He started playing it and wandering around the house on his knees toot-tooting away. So cute. These moments are the ones I am wanting to remember more than the ones where he is racing away from me at top speed with no pants. But, well, really, a one year old racing away from you with no pants is actually pretty cute too, especially if you have HOURS.

One Comment leave one →
  1. May 2, 2009 2:48 pm

    Ah Karen, I feel you. And my boy isn’t even self-mobile yet.

    Lots of breathing and surrender.


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